Friday, April 30, 2010

The missing grown-up thinking

This week was a quite crazy week for me, and I am not overact if I say that this was one of the wost week of my entire life. I won't talk about this, cause I don't even want to remember the things that happened to me, but it was very stressful, and I wish that I would never do that. I don't know how could I be so stupid, and irresponsible, when I thought that I am a bit more grown-up than the usual 16 years old, cause I got it a few times, but now I am a little sceptical. This was all my fault (then later it became a litle bit of my mother's too), but I did fix it, while I felt depressed in every minute of every day. Let's just say that I am so relived that I could fix this whole, complicated issue. Now I am alive again, after a really long time, and I don't want to loose my cheer. 
This affair influenced my whole family's life. They were all depressed too, they were all arguing all the time, because of me, and because of what to do in a situation like this. They never really had a calmed second, cause when they did not fight, whenever they looked at me, they saw a sad, depressed, and not-really-in-mood-for-a-good-laugh girl, who is not me, so they were kinda frightened, that it would hurt me much more than they thought. And it did. I was like a dead person, whose soul comes back to haunt the family, and makes them afraid. Still, sometimes I have to realise that this is over, cause I have this stupid feeling, which comes back all the time, not matter it is over. It really did hurt me in a deep way, and I don't wish this to anyone out there.
I know you may ask now "What the hell is she talking about?", but sorry, I can't tell you. It was just hurtful, and I wanted to share with you, how I had to do my week, thinking about the worst things that can happen to me, and stuffs like that. But let's just go ahead and talk about something else.
Yesterday I went shopping with my mom, cause I felt better, and I wanted to feel even better. I bought a hello kitty pajamas, and a pair of purple ballerina shoes. I was felt over the moon, when a telephone call just killed me inside again, and I wasn't able to do anything after the call. My mom, of course, tried to make me think of the clothes, but I knew that it's late. I was acting like a zombie during the end of our shopping day. Thank god, when we got home, we fixed the whole problem, so it will never ever hurt me. I even cooked broccoli bisk. Yummm!
And today was the graduation for the senior classes, and it was kinda exhausting, standind under the sun, in 28 degrees, I even got a headache. But it was really sad, I think at my graduation I'll be crying. 



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