Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Changes of a perfect world

I nearly don't even remember how I did and wrote these posts before....I have gone for almost a year but you need to understand that I have gone through some serious changes in my life. Some things that had been and still effecting my everydays.....When the school started in September everything was alright, everything happened normally in my own little, glittery, perfect world where I had the best friends in the whole world, I had my sister who I adore the most, on my side every day, and my family was happy. This leading lifestyle went really well I was only worried about my upcoming exams in may and june but I knew that I was ready for them too. However the things turned into my worst nightmare in March. As You know my dad was seriously ill ( Why the life is so unfair? ) and by March he felt even worse day by day....he couldn't sleep at night, and sometimes me and my sister talked with him through the night, he couldn't eat, he was really sick. On the 30th of March he got into hospital, and we immediately run to see him, to talk to him, to let him know that we are with him no matter what.......but he couldn't recognised us didn't matter that we were talking to him, that I was holding his hands, that I was whispering to his ears that how much I love him, he didn't know anything about this. And this hurts me the most. That was the last time I saw him. In the next morning the hospital called my mother that he died in a heart failure. We were really devastated. This was my worst morning ever. The following days I skipped a few days at school and for my surprise I felt nothing...I think I didn't really accepted the fact and there were still a bit of hope deep inside of me that this never happened and it was a stupid mistake. But I slowly started to recover and accept the new situation. A really really kind person, who stands really close to my heart told me that he doesn't want to loose the sound of my abandoned laughter (Cause that's the way I can laugh) so I strarted to smile again, show the people that I'm fine, and I started to make my mother's life easier. Right now I still have some stray tears falling from my eyes as I write down the whole story, but it's really rare for me to let even just one person see me cry. I wish that he could still haer and see me.....he would know that I'm missing him really bad, that I have done my exams the best in the entire school I think, and that I've got a boyfriend, whom I always wanted, but he never met him, and that me and my best friend Merci's friendship is about to fall into pieces....
I'm not complaining....I have the best mother in the world, she gives me everything,I have and amazing guy by my side, and I have the best sisters too, but I rarely see them. My most adored sister just moved out a few months ago and it's really hard for me...I'm used to see her, talk to her, laugh with her every evening, and I'm missing her so much.....Sometimes I visit her and she's soooo happy living with his boyfriend, so I'm glad. Sadly I can't talk about these things with Merci....we really went to the wrong path, and both know that we should talk this whole thing over but none of us have the strenght or courage to initiate. But I'll tell you about this a litte bit more in another post later. Have a nice day! ;)