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Monday, September 23, 2013

Crashed dreams about college

So here I am as I said this morning. I'm finally home after this exhausting and surplus day and before I tell you about my day I'm gonna tell you my story about how I got here to look for a job.
As you might know I wanted to go to university soooo badly...it was a huge dream for me, and I picked my school which was the András Pető Institute for Conductive Education and Conductor Trainig College. Everything went great until I found out that for getting accepted I need to take an aptitude test, which consists a speaking exam, a physical education kind of test and a singing exam....Talking about mine any my family's singing talent...actually there's nothing to talk about. We have absolutely NO, not even a teeny tiny talent. I am such an impossible case that I didn't even dare to sing in like a music lesson in my school when my whole class was singing.  So I was quite afraid last year around that time, that I'm gonna fail that singing thing....And I had every right to be afraid...:) I needed to take all my courage to walk up to my school's music teacher to ask her to give me some personal classes. Of course I wanted to die that I had to use my window disruptive voice for singing...alone...in front of a music teacher....those classes were the most embarassing hours of my entire life...The worst was that she actually lied to me that I am great, so I just kept singing and singing to exercise for the big exam. 
In this year's January the school held a forth-aptitude test, so you could see if you are avaible or not, see if you exercised enough...so I collected the last pieces of my self-confidence and made my way to the school. The PE was not a big deal, I made it , at the speaking part they told me that I'm lisping...like ME! I was freaked out. No one ever in my entire life tol me that I'm lisping...but who cares I eventually made the speaking part too. But the singing...if I could choose to die in total pain and suffer days until I find total peace or stand out singing in front of 3 people....I guess everyone knows what I would choose....So of course they told me that I need some more practice with a teacher and in total humiliation and wailing I went home. My big luck was that the real aptitude test was in April, so I had 3 months to accomplish my singing knowledge. I was working as hard as my terrible voice let me, and by the end of the rehearsals I did believe that I made some improvements...I knew that I can make my voice go higher than I did before, and I know that my accaptance to the college is depended on my singing talent. So In April I was really devastated to hear I'm not good enough, and by this sentence I waved to my college dreams...I was so determined that I'll try it a year later....but now I just don't think that voice is made for that school. 
So I figured out that I want to learn psychology next year, but during that year I need to do something apart from sitting at home and waiting for next year while all my friends are at school. Thereby I started to look for a job in the end of August and since then I haven't found anything. I sent my application to a zillion email addresses and went to a million interwievs but I always got that I'm so young with no working experiences...And I just don't understand what people think...I have just graduated from high school this summer...I only had student jobs...and they can see it in my CV....so why the hell they call me to go to an interwiev to tell me I'm not good enough. I'm so fed up with this whole thing, and that same exact thing happened to me today too. 
So I'm just in a desperate search for a job right now...Cross fingers for me :) 

XOXO, 
LD

1 comments:

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